Thought I would share this here:
“Toxic shame” is a term that was first coined by psychologist Silvan Tomkins in the 1960s. Unlike normal shame, toxic shame stays buried within the mind and becomes a part of our self-identity. In other words, a person suffering from toxic shame will experience a chronic sense of worthlessness, low self-esteem, and self-loathing – all connected to the belief that they are innately “shameful” or “bad.” Toxic shame is the internalized and buried shame that rots within us.
Toxic shame is most commonly reinforced through childhood experiences. For example, our mother or father may have constantly physically punished us or verbally expressed how ashamed or disappointed they were of us. We may have even adopted the idea that we were shameful indirectly through nonverbal displays from our parents, e.g. our mother or father withholding affection, looking at us in a certain way, favoring our siblings more than us.
Shame is feeling sorry about who you are as a person.
And toxic shame is feeling bad about who you are as a person all the time – it is pervasive.
When toxic shame hangs around you long enough, it gets embedded not only in your mind, but in your body: in your defeated posture, in the way you move, the way you talk, and the way you relate to others.
Toxic shame can sabotage your best efforts and undermine every good experience that you have.
If you’re suffering from toxic shame, there will be a number of signs:
Frequently reliving traumatic memories from the past that cause shame
General suspicion and mistrust of other people (even when they’re trying to be nice)
Self-loathing and low self-esteem
Feelings of chronic unworthiness
Dysfunctional relationships with others (often involving codependency)
Self-sabotage
“Shame anxiety” – the fear of experiencing shame
Feelings of being a “fraud” or phony (also known as imposter syndrome)
Self-martyrdom and self-victimization
“Settling” for unfulfilling jobs, relationships, or situations
An angry or defensive persona (as a defense mechanism)
People-pleasing (to compulsively try and feel better about oneself)
Perfectionism
Frequently feeling a sense of irrational guilt
Addictive tendencies (to escape and numb the shame)
Mental illnesses that branch off toxic shame such as depression, anxiety, PTSD
Believing that you are innately and fundamentally unworthy, inadequate, and despicable as a human being is incredibly hard to live with. Getting help is essential for finding your confidence, self-esteem and true self.
borrowed from : What Is Toxic Shame? (The Little-Known Mental Illness)
By Aletheia Luna via Loner Wolf
